To quote Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music, “Let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start!” (Now you’re going to be singing it in your head the whole post. You’re welcome!) In all seriousness, lets begin with a little history of how we made it this far in our journey and are looking towards transfer #5.
My amazing husband and I met in high school. We did a lot together as friends in High School; from Prom to performing in our school plays to working the NBA all-star game to medical mission trips in Venezuela. We really had a great High school experience together! Needless to say, once we finally did start dating, we quickly knew we were a good fit. We were married on the most beautiful June day and began our new life together. Shortly after we married, we sought out a Reproductive Specialist. You see we knew, because of a few “issues’ with me medically speaking, that getting pregnant on our own would be difficult and we wanted to make sure we were “good to go” with a plan once we were ready to have kids.
Welcome fertility clinic #1 and Doctor B. As 20 something year old newlyweds, the last place we wanted to be was in a doctor’s office answering a plethora of questions about everything we were eating and not eating, how much exercising we do, our medical histories and those of our whole family, and most importantly what we were doing in our bedroom. (I mean do they really need to know everything?! Apparently, yes.) We filled out and answered every question asked. You see, we are planners and not being able to have children when we “planned” to was not an option. (Ha!- yes, I am laughing at my young self!)
Clinic 1 brought lots of blood work (12-15 vials at a time) and medication trials. Then changing diets and more blood work. In the end we had no answers and only more frustrations. You see we were told by Dr. B that we were, “young and not trying hard enough to do what was necessary to solve our issue.” I had followed EVERYTHING asked of me. From salads everyday at lunch to cutting out Chick-fla-A and even abandoning my love for sweet tea! Nothing I did was good enough. Nothing I did made the numbers get better. Instead of listening to me, this professional assumed that I just wasn’t trying! (I still fume when I think of this very smart, very successful Dr. who crushed my dreams and made me think I was less!) Finally, after over a year of blood work after blood work, medication trials and meetings, we went in to hopefully hear a good report. We were ready! I was 135 lbs, felt great, and had followed the plan perfectly. We even signed up for a 5K and I was so ready to hear that the blood work showed our hard work. This was NOT the case. Instead of happiness, we were met with sarcasm and being told once again that we just didn’t seem dedicated enough. We were told maybe I should lose a few more pounds and THEN we could try another medication. That was it! My final straw… I was DONE! (Y’all, she laughed at me when I told her about the 5K run!)
We walked out of that office knowing we would never return again. If this is what we had to go through to have kids, it wasn’t worth it! The medical stuff and questions were uncomfortable but a necessity. The way we were treated by an elite medical professional was unacceptable! We were worth more than how that doctor made us feel. We were done with this journey. In the next few weeks and months many, many tears were shed. I cried for the dream that was gone. I cried for the fact that it was my fault. I cried because this doctor was supposed to be one of the best in the country and she didn’t want to help us. Our dreams of children were gone!
Move forward almost 2 years… I sat for my annual lady appointment with my doctor. He asked how things were going and when we would be looking at trying to have kids. I lost it! Tears streamed down my face as I retold everything that had happened. I sat in his office for 30 minutes telling him everything and how our spirits were crushed. He listened and assured me that it was not my fault. In the end he gave me the name of another doctor who was with a different practice. His exact parting words to me were, “I have coffee with him at once a week and our wives are friends. If he treats you wrong, you let me know and I will call him out personally! Trust me Ashley, you are going to be a great mom and he will help you get there!” Wow! Talk about a change. For the first time in years, I had hope of a family. Hope that there was someone who could help me become a mom! My husband would be a dad! Y’all, I could finally breathe again!
Two months later, we sat in the office of the man who would change the way I view medicine. The man who delayed vacation plans to be there for our transfer. The man who cried with me both in frustration and heartache over a miscarriage. That day we met Doctor T!
To be continued…
“Pearl of Wisdom”- “Kindness changes everything!”
Request: Don’t crush someone else’s dreams! Even when you have hard things to tell someone, show kindness. It can truly make all the difference! 🙂 Today, please pray for anyone who is getting poor medical advice. Pray that they seek other opinions and always advocate for themselves.
P.S.- I believe that medical professionals are amazing people and I will never discredit Dr. B with her knowledge. She was not a good fit for our family and I am okay with that!
Love~ Me
My Life in Pearls 