Thank you to everyone who has been so supportive over these last few weeks! Your prayers and well wishes mean a lot to me and to our family. Today I began the second wave of medication for the transfer (call it phase 2). This is huge because with today being day 1 of Phase 2, this means that we have an exact transfer day! October 1st is TRANSFER DAY! It is the day we will close the final chapter on having children through IVF and turn things once again over to God for the final decision of what our family looks like. (I’m so excited, nervous and at peace with that!)
For the last 13 days, I have been taking a medication called Lupron. This medication is something prescribed to help prepare my body for the other medication and transfer that is to come. Lupron brought with it joint pain, physical and mental exhaustion, a keen sense of smell for anything and everything, and EXTREME moodiness! Y’all I have felt at times like I was going crazy! One minute I will be calm and happy and the next nothing is right and I am angry. Like I’m singing to my favorite song and then extreme road rage or crying over a sad commercial and then about to combust with anger! Having talked to others who have been on Lupron over the years, these are all common side effects. One friend said to me “It will take you from complete fluffy clouds and sunshine to dark anger and frustration. You will want to (and will) snap at any and everything that moves near you like a predator looking for prey!” She is 100% correct! It’s mind boggling how I can feel fine and then the next minute I am angry or my joints hurt so bad that I can’t pick up my toddler.
I decided to look up Lupron, you would think this being the 9th time using it that I would have googled it before… nope. My search in Google led me to an answer that made everything make a little more sense. You see Lupron can be used to treat CANCER! It is a commonly used chemotherapy drug. (Oh! Now I get it.) You see nothing that can be used to treat cancer can have positive effects on how you feel! (Please know I am not in any way comparing what I am going through to what Cancer patients go through! I have only a small glimpse of what chemotherapy must be like with taking this medication while I take it for 4-5 weeks.) I pray that anyone who ever has to use the medication longer than a week at a time will be given strength and grace by those around them because it is awful!
With this being my 5th IVF transfer cycle, many have asked “why is this time different?” or said “You seem to be reacting more to the medication this time.” I have given that some thought and honestly, I don’t think it is any different this time. The difference for me is that I am not having to “suck it up” or hide any of it. I am allowing myself to speak to what is happening and to give what is happening light. I am saying that I may not be myself and there is a reason for that. I’m not compressing the bad days and the pain deep inside like before but instead I am sharing it. Writing this blog and having others talking to me from all over the US and even seeing that this blog has been read in 8 different nations (yes 8!) has also helped me to pay attention more to what is happening.
Three nights ago I began writing a rather sad post to you all. It was a post with frustration because I was supposed to have begun my “cycle” so that this next phase could begin and it wasn’t happening. It talked about money and sadness. I was having a pity party with words and then… I had a wave of exhaustion hit me out of nowhere! I went to sleep without finishing the post. That morning, I had shared this frustration with a few people of whom I asked also to pray about it for me. In the perfect time, things began to happen the next day and I had a calmness come about me. While I was still stressing over the timing and what the specific protocol was, I was able to rest in the fact that this time, we are not alone! There are hundreds of people who know about this. (That’s HUGE y’all!) There have only ever been maybe 8 people at the most who knew about our transfers in the past and now over 200 people have read this blog, sent me emails, talked to me, or responded to things on social media. Thank you all!
In the coming days, I will be following a specific protocol. (Everything written out by day with what to do.) Today I began taking 5 “new” medications to go along with the Lupron. I am now taking a low dose aspirin, a specific prenatal vitamin, estrogen (patches), an antibiotic, a medication to curb blood sugar and Lupron. I will slowly increase the estrogen patches to changing out 4 patches every 3 days (normal dosage is 1-2 patches twice per week). Once I have built up to 4 patches, I will stop the Lupron and I will begin taking a blood thinner and my hubby will have to be my nurse and give me a Progesterone shot every night. I am so thankful that I have a checklist of medication so that I don’t forget what to take! (I am a list person!)
Through this whole thing, I have to give a HUGE shout out to my husband! He has lived with me going from crying to biting his head off and back in a matter of 5 minutes and yet he still loves me! No marriage is ever perfect, but I know God placed us together because we “get” each other. He understands that what I am going through is not easy at all and he is here to support and love me through it all! It is going to get harder, however, the hope and prayer is that in the end, we will grow our family by 1 (hopefully 2 more)!
Pearl of Wisdom: When someone seems “off”, show kindness! (Kindness: “Loaning someone your strength instead of reminding them of their weakness!”)
Request: Pray for mental clarity (for me) and grace (for me and that I give it to those around me)!
Pearls and Love, ~ Me
My Life in Pearls 