Update: Day 1 of Meds

Well the day has come. This morning I began taking a medicine called Lupron (It’s short for some long named medicine). This means we are in the real deal final countdown to transfer day! I still won’t know an exact transfer day for about another week or so but today I took the 1st dose.

Yesterday, as I thought about and prepared for today, I was so ready. Ready to begin. Ready for this new chapter. Ready to begin the road to closing this chapter of our lives with (hopefully) a pregnancy! Today brought on a whole new set of everything and it was not easy! This morning I dragged my feet with drawing up my meds. I didn’t want to begin putting my body through this one more time. Why did I have to do this and why was it this hard? (I know it will be totally worth it but it is still hard.) I promised to be real with everyone, so here it is… this morning was Awful!!

After I woke up and finally got it together, I went to the fridge and grabbed the meds. I literally said, “Hello, old friend!” before opening the bottle. You see Lupron and I have been together for 9 procedures now. It’s like hopping back on a bicycle. I cleaned my skin, drew up the syringe and gave the injection. It went well. Then about 5 minutes later I remembered why Lupron and I aren’t friends. You see 5 minutes after giving the shot, it stings. I have a tingling, itchy, and burning feeling were the meds are going into my bloodstream. This is not fun! Normally this would be the end of the day 1 excitement but today was also my “scratch test” for the IVF procedure. I will let you imagine what that means but I would rather break my nail to the quick any day over having this procedure. OUCH! It is not fun at all!

I was NOT ready for today! I had thought about it, planned it, but in typical me fashion, I made myself busy so I didn’t have to truly think about today. I was doing great until I walked into the room for the procedure and sat down. The room that I have been in many times before. I was in that room for the 4 IUI procedures. I was in that room for other “scratch tests”. I was in that room when I cried with Dr. T over losing another baby. I was in there when they told me I would be released to go to my regular OB when I was pregnant with my son. This room held so many memories for me… and I lost it y’all! Like full tears sitting on the table crying. The nurse came in to get something and saw me crying and stopped. I explained to her that this was probably the last time I would ever be in this room. Six years of memories and this was it. One painful procedure away from NEVER being in this room again. I think it was 6 years of emotions and excitement and nervousness had led me to those tears.

I gathered myself together and waited for Dr. T to make his entrance. The nurse must have told him about my crying because he came in ready to comfort. He had another doctor with him who is shadowing him and he stopped to explain to her our history. She was holding my very large chart and looked at me with eyes of sadness as he talked. I didn’t mind because she got to see the relationship that a doctor can have with their patient. As he lovingly told her our story, I found myself smiling realizing that this man truly does care about me and my journey. We did the “scratch test” and then at the end he did something a lot of doctors wouldn’t do. Dr. T came over and gave me a hug. He said “Kiddo, you will always be a part of my family… (pause from him) and I truly pray that I will always be a part of yours!” He had a glimpse of a tear in his eye and I cried again! He then said “remind my nurses that I want to be the one to do this transfer. No one else! It may mean an extra day of meds but we started this together and I am going to finish it with you!” Tears! Lots and lots of tears!

You see it would be easy for any doctor to just think today was another day. Dr. T is the top in his field and the head of the clinic. Yet today, he took time to truly care about me. He asked about my son and husband. He took TIME. I know he wants success for us. It’s been a struggle for him in this journey as well because I’m not your average patient. Remember I’m in that 1-5% that doesn’t fit the typical mold. As a professional he has talked to colleagues all over the country trying to come up with the perfect protocol for me. As a father himself and a human, he wants to help me. He has seen the ups and downs with me over 6 years. He has been there for moments like holding my son and others like 9:30 at night phone calls about what to do next. We have the right person on our team. I truly believe that God placed Dr. T in our lives for a reason and we are so blessed to have him on our team!

I am not ready to say goodbye to this clinic and today… I don’t have to. Today I only said “goodbye” to the room of my past. The room of hope not found. The room of tears and pain. Today I say goodbye to the fears and “failures” of the past infertility journey. And today I said “hello” to the unknown future that is to come!

Thank you to each of you who have been praying for us and who reached out today. It was encouraging having so many texts and calls and prayers lifted in the last few days.   In the past this day has only been one that a few people would know about because in the past we kept it all a secret. Today was different though and so comforting to be able to be open and honest with everyone about it all and to have the support and love.

Pearl of Wisdom – Find your team and stick with them. Those who aren’t on your side don’t need to be calling the plays for your life!

Request – Pray for strength in the coming days. This medicine brings with it lots of uncontrollable emotions and hot flashes and mood swings. Pray for grace for me and a calmness with my spirit.

Love and Thanks! ~ Me